the BIG day

clearly isnt what you think it is, but while we're there, id love for it to be witnessed by the presence of sheikh's and 'ulamas and gain barakah instead of having any king or queen from any throne. i'd like it to be a splash of whiteness and probably gold, as a sign of purity, as white was the color of our Prophet Muhammad pbuh.

it has been a few days of calmness ever since the big swirl down the hole. not quite what i pictured it to be, but we're getting there. what i hate most is getting used to this surrounding around me for now and having to let it go as time crawls on me. i love it like this. how things are now, and i found that my heart is in a better place, a better control away from negativity.

but whats life without being tested?. how am i supposed to want Jannah without hardwork ?. without tests, and trials, how will that ever make me a better person ?. they say a smooth sea never make a skilled sailor.

training my heart to never hope on individuals is a tough one. i've always been the kind who would expect the best out of people. out of their kindness, their considerateness behavior, but boy was i heavily disappointed through out. and that was because i forgot it wasn't them that i should be hopeful of, it was God. if He wills it to come from a person, I'd see it. If He doesn't, i will never find it. because human were made to disappoint you, they are never perfect. but God is. Hence, where do you place your expectations then ?

it'd be pretty silly to expect things out of something that you know was not built to perfection. so why did i place it on them ?.

because, i was blinded.

i didn't want to see or believe that what i felt was wrong.

place yours properly. you'd think you'll be safe from all these. you'd think you know who you're dealing with, mind you, we know nothing of what this world could do to us.

never expect. if good comes out of from the ones you love, its from Him. if it doesn't, its still from Him. the question will always be whether you were deserving of it at that point of time. Be patient.

Be very, patient.

Wallahualam, barakallufikum.

cerita 2 pagi

it has been a while since i last did a template this way. bismillahirrahmanirrahim.


reading old posts has never been so interesting. im glad for this space, im grateful for the reminder. of paths not taken, of decisions wrongly made, of choices correctly chosen.

all in all, it thought me 1001 lessons in life. the key is to always never stop.

along first half of it, i almost lost myself, almost drowned into what i believed was the right move, right choice. but certainly who am i to ever confirm something of such importance?

i have no say. the last words have never been mine. as much as i wanted it to be, my only might it to put in effort in everything i do, and leave the rest to Him.

reading back, im glad i wrote every random moments in. sometimes you detect a crack. so fine, that it hits you upon first read through. i wrote it, hence i remembered how it exactly felt at that moment. being reminded of that awkwardness, hiding it behind silly metaphors, in a language so familiar yet foreign at the same time. it was one of those moments where you go, ' aha. that was it, right here,'

and its readings like these that answers my whys and how comes. brutally, it makes me feel somewhat foolish. but hey, i fought for it. soldiered on, with hopes and dreams. the rest, was all up to Him, yes ?

knowing, realizing that it is not within my control, accepting that there is a greater force, the Almighty, the Knowledgable of whats seen and unseen, this disappointment somehow is pushed aside.

after all, there are always far better things ahead, than any, we leave behind.

yakin dengan aturan Allah. jangan pernah buruk sangka dengan aturanNya.

wallahualam.

reblogged, repost.

" Maybe she was looking in all the wrong places. After all, he was just a dunya guy, he would give her the happiness of the dunya for just a few day, weeks, months maybe and then they would never be the ‘happily ever after couple’ like Muhammad sallallahu alyhe wa sallam and Khadijah radi Allah hu Anha.

For she realized that a bond made for the sake of the dunya lacked the basic crucial ingredient: the barakah of Allah. If she started a relationship which wasn’t blessed by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, she would ruin her entire life for the man who looked so charming but whose heart was attached to the dunya.She was concerned about her future progeny and she decided that she didn’t want to raise up her future children oblivious and ignorant of Islam. She decided that she’d look at his deen, his character and his ikhlaq, for if those qualities in him were well grounded, he would turn into the greatest blessing of her life - her better half.

With all the traffic of thoughts in her mind, she came across a verse in the Quran which lay open in her hands and the verse she saw made her cry and she made sincere dua from her heart and decided that she wanted her better half to be someone who would hold her hand, help bring the Sunnah and Shariah in her life, take her out for ice-cream, help solve all her problems and when he couldnt he would be just a good listener and also he would take her to jannah. The verse she read was:

One of His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own species, so that you might find comfort with them. And He put mutual love and affection in your hearts. Surely in this there are lessons for the thinking people.” [30:21] "

via praise-Allah.tumblr.com

reckless one

harder than i thought,
tougher than it seems,
all grip stays tight,
all hopes stays dreams.

we all got regrets and past lies
that we dont want the world to see

sometimes we stand tall for the ones we love,
sometimes we hold firm and grounded for the betterness of ourselves,
i forget that behind all these lies the only One,
i mistaken my mistakes for regrets and not lessons,

you keep your mouth shut and your thoughts in
well, i think its killing me

in the face of adversity,
heads down, hands up.
thats the only way out,
n thats the only way to stay out.

more than you'll ever know;

i had a point, to take note of, to place it here. for remembrance. for a reminder. but unlike others, i let it linger for a while, just to see if was strong enough, worth the note down, worth the pondering. it was intact, it stuck right behind everything i ever remembered to do today, chores, groceries, cooking, cleaning, reading.

and the minute i sat down to start typing, it vanished. blended into thin air. and im not quite sure where this will go, but lets see if i can find it somewhere in between. lets see if this works one more time.

if back then, all other times, all thoughts could be turned into words, all feelings were put down in form of writing, im finding it hard to explain this one. unlike others, this is highly unexplainable. im not confused, i might be afraid of the consequences, the willingness to walk into the line, but i know its the best for this time.

enough listening to externals, its time to listen to the heart. the heart dont usually coincide with mr brain, but matters of the heart are duly movements from Ya 'Alim.

if people realized where they placed their hearts, they would never be disappointed. put them in the right hands, in the right place, and everything else will work its way.

ive re-arranged, ive changed. ive taken whats mine and place it where it should rightfully be, inshaaAllah, Ya Raheem, have mercy on me, show me whats worth fighting for, and what isn't.

lets see from here

wallhu'alam

fra-a-dayyy

its friday. and its the most awaited day of the week. why ? because ive learned that fridays are muslims most blessed day.

part of my new year resolution, is to keep fridays filled with deeds and enhancement of deen.

a good friend once said that it you want goodness in life, you have to find it. it doesnt come rolling to you, and it doesnt work by waiting for something to happen.

hidayah isnt ours. it is rightfully His and only Him. and everyone knows only He is the giver of hidayahs. but we wont get things unless we look for them, no ? things like that doesnt come to us by just waiting and hoping.

blessed are the souls that were given the luck and opportunity to recieve hidayah by not doing much. by not having to go through phases and phases of hardships and challenges. those blessings in disguise.

either way, it still is a blessing, long or short the journey.

whats with fridays ? have a watch in this video, my favourite speaker, fattabiouni himself :)

lagu;

i am beyond exhausted. the past few days was filled with things to be done. works back on schedule, which finally gives me something to do rather than cleaning, throwing, re-arranging the room which looks perfect now. just like how i want it to be.

its peaceful this time of the year, and im not sure if it marks how the rest of my 2012 will be, but i sure hope so. i wish this could stay on throughout the whole time. so in love with the weather, the place, the people, perfect combo !

being at work takes my mind off several matters of the heart. although all i ever do is serve customers, wash dishes, clean tables, what people dont know is the fact that in between those tasks, i learn valuable lessons on life just by talking to the man behind the workplace. yes, the ever crazy boss. who insists on everyone to admit he's the most good looking and muscular man in ade, rough on the outside, but very caring on the inside.

he'll tell me random facts about women, about men, about health, about religion. basically my very own walking encyclopedia, reminds me a lot about dad. work makes me feel like home, and it was today that made me realize that im definitely going to miss that place. a place where customers turn into friends and where friends turn into family

(edit)

a few errands to run tomorrow today. saved the post because i was almost falling asleep on my laptop. i take it a s a good sign though, a very good sign. being tired means i spent my day doing something rather than doing absolutely nothing. it was indeed a wise choice spending my last few months in adelaide with summer included. because u get to see parts of adelaide that you never get to see during other times. this place shaped me up, i love you ade!

have you heard of this candy ? haha, bo. a friend of my cousin's. his music is really good. good start in the morning, have a great day !

life makes love look hard;

how many days has it been ? i've lost track of how long or how short have my days been here in this cute unit. i've been blessed with beautiful days of summer ever since i got back. missed the heat wave which i heard was pretty bad, heat ranging from 40-45 degrees, may Allah help protect me from that if it ever happens again.

there were many nights where i was blessed with a 16degrees breeze, those nights where i no longer feel scared or alone, instead felt absolute calmness beyond explanation. being alone in the unit can either turn me bonkers with limited human communication most of the time or make me some what, content.

most of the time, im calm and im appreciating every minute of it. ive longed for this private-ness for such a long time, i believe i deserve some me time with having cheens in between and at the end of my day, which is just, perfect.

john is back in my life. and im not pretty sure if we'll get along as well as we did previous year. familiarity can sometimes be too overwhelming for the heart. and they say too much of a thing is not always a good thing. which, hah, dave's back. dave, the next door neighbor. he's nicer now, well he's known for his loud thumping while he walks up the stairs. and..that loud car of his.

my month back home has been life-changing. who knew ? who could ever thought that in one second your whole life could change, and back then i wasnt entirely sure if it was for the better, but at this point where i am standing, i know it all is. He indeed has far greater plans, its the time of the year where He takes things from me, and then looks at how I react on it, just to test and see where my love and heart is placed. I'm getting better at it inshaAllah, He tricked me once, but I knew He meant it in a good way. He took that, and replaced it with something I never knew could give me so much strength and will power to be better.

and the day i realized that it was all carefully, beautifully planned, i surrendered. Because I have never met and seen anything so beautifully structured and perfectly placed like how things are right now. And who knows ? Maybe, like all other things, this will be temporary ? who knows, that like all other things, there's even a bigger, mightier plan that will come my way ? who knows.

but the key is to always place my trust in Him, and all i can ever do is strive for the best in being a better person.

sometimes hurt is not meant to stay long, so dont waste your time rolling around it. life is too short for all that. time is wasted thinking, hoping for things that have already gone by. i dont hope on humans. i dont hope and pray anymore that someday any of you will understand, because none ever will.

people speculate, people believe what they want to see, they choose to conclude whatever they see in the social media, and i've come to realize how incredibly alarming mentality some people possess. what life do you have circulating on others pages , remembering unnecessary things, names you dont even know of and concluding this and that ?

if it wasnt for staying in touch with people, that thing would have been down years ago.

2012, you are a year of challenge for me. it has only been the 7th day but boy have you come up with many.

lillahi ta'ala, im trying my very best to detach from things, only for the better, and this period of months on my own will be used to the ultimate.

in shaa Allah.

2012

Sometimes, not all that is planned will go your way. Just goes to show how there are certain things in life not controllable, not within your power, reminds us of how small and human we are.

Sometimes what is best for us, may not always be the best in the eyes of Him. And only He knows it all. Having said that, sometimes what we think is bad for us, may not always be bad in the eyes of Him.

2011, you've taught me well. From friendships, from honesty , from sincerity, from thinking i've had it all planned out and thinking it will all work out, well i guess not this time as well.

I've felt this disappointment, and ive felt this hurt before. But back then I was stupid. This time i'm much stronger, much wiser.

Sometimes, all i can ever think of was the good times I had with people, only to find them remembering all the bad times with me.

Sometimes, what we think may not always be in sync with what others think, and sometimes thats okay, and sometimes its not.

Sometimes, its okay to be brave and speak your mind in getting what you want, sometimes its stupid to just be quiet and expect people to know how you feel without telling them.

Sometimes when you think things wont fall apart, it just happens.

So 2011, you're not a regret for me. You're a year where I learned so many things on a higher phase, family, friends, relationship wise. I took a leap further, I believed harder, and I gave more, and it really doesnt matter if one decides to not see it, maybe they're not meant to , anyway.

Friends, they're always the same type of bunch. ones that care, ones that dont, ones who has always been there, and ones that you made a mistake with and decide to keep your distance.

I've fought hard, i've loved more and all of this wont stop for 2012.

I'm ready for different characters, i'm ready for a different lesson.

Here we go.