I wanted home more than anything for my parents. My superwoman of a mother. Happy I got to spend my nights with her, satisfied to be around dad as much as I could. My third-wheeler of a father (haha). Simply because he wouldn't allow Azhar and I to be on our own. He volunteered to drive me everywhere, every time he could. Alhamdulillah for such great blessings.
My days being with them are numbered. I wish i could tell you how torn i feel. Stepping into something new, and leaving my nest i've called home for the past 24 years.
It is all very exciting and daunting at the same time. I don't really know how most of you do it. But i'm slowly training myself to grip onto new things, and let go of my usual familiarities.
This slow transition changes me in a way. I feel like i'm growing - finally. I feel somewhat independent. One thing that keeps me going is the fact that I still feel very much loved - either way. Stepping in with you, and stepping out of them. Sometimes, I test myself. I shut my eyes and imagine if everything else was taken away from me. My familiarities, my comfort zone. And I imagine just you, on your own - with me.
I find myself at ease.
And thats when i know my prayers are finally answered. InshaAllah. To find ease, and peace in things with you. Trusting you with what I once trusted my father with. Shutting my eyes, and imagining little yous. Would i be proud to have little sons like you ? - Definitely. Probably with better sense of direction would do them good, haha i joke. InshaAllah, your patience, calmness and soft heart would be the core things I want for the young ones.
Bi ithnillah ( With Allah's permission )
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A conversation I had with my soul sister Sjka. We love throwing random questions to each other, and today, she threw me with this:
"Just lying in bed thinking - what do you think are important qualities in a husband, character wise ?"
Something that threw me off guard. Such a strong question, which got me thinking of ways i went through to get to where I'm at. The wrong choices brought me here. The bad decisions, heartaches taught me well. Would I have done them any differently? I would, I guess. I wish i took less time searching for the wrong things and cut the crap. I wish i figured the simple formula of seeking much sooner. But then again - without experiencing the wrongs, how else would we appreciate the right things when they finally come along?
Allah always knows best. Moral of the story is that, i hope the intention of moving closer towards Him remains constantly stronger. And as long as the aim is towards Him, we should always never give up trying, and believing in all the things that happen in our lives are good. Even the bad.
So here was my reply:
Thats a very nice question - though im not worthy of giving u advice haha! I can however share with you what i went through and how i got to choosing- i guess.
Its funny cos just yesterday i was listening to syakh ninowy's lecture on love and marriage and he mentioned how as women, the two important things to look into a potential spouse from a hadith of the Prophet saw was 1) his deen and 2) his akhlaq
Syakh mentioned how ppl usually think deen and akhlaq is the same thing. He said our deen fluctuates. Its something we cant see, and its always up and down. But our akhlaq is something tht is part of us. He said when a man possess deen and has akhlaq muhammadun ( the prophet's akhlaq ) then marry him.
he made it sound easy though cos how can u really know someone without spending more time with them - how do we validate their akhlaq and such. I guess the roles of parents come in this point. like we could ask his parents or family members how he is yada yada. Chances are they might vouch for him, but at the end of the day there is always istikharah to help us get to a decision
i'd look for a man who has his deen intact. Or atleast is interested in his deen, wants to learn more and prays. If hes funny its a bonus point for me. I like a man who has a good sense of direction in his life. His purposeful. Knows where he wants to go- knows what he wants to achieve so he can direct me and the family. A man who is patient, kind to elder people, kind to others. A man with a soft heart. doesnt judge others. Things like this u can discover through discussions - get his opinion on current matters, on the state of ummah- ask his two cents on whether he feels theres a way to help the ummah and what can we as individuals do.
id look into his family too and see what they are like. With azhar, i didnt get the chance though. But he told me of his situation and family background. I got a vague idea of how things are - inshaAllah i hope its nothing i cant handle in the future.
Core points - how he speaks can actually say a lot about how he is. How he thinks, he behaves around ppl.
My ultimate point would be to have a man with a soft forgiving heart and with deen intact. because my Jannah will be according to him, upon his mercy and forgiveness of my flaws and incompetencies. And that if he is a man of forgiveness and loves easily inshaAllah my door for Jannah remains easy and accessible. Pleasing him means pleasing Allah.
Thats what i would look for in a man.
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