keep calm and put your shades on;

keep calm.
keep very calm.

i had Azhar for the weekend, which was all nice and dandy. being separated for more than 6 weeks, was hard work. but every time he makes his way to me, i get butterflies in my tummy just waiting for him at the arrival hall. without fail. alhamdulillah - for such a blessed feeling to feel. i can't help but to get nervous each time he steps onto a plane. my man is a jet-setter, go getter, nothing better ( sings ne-yo one in a million - ok stop )

i took him to the park, where we sat down and scribbled our plans together in my small book. we're finally moving a level up , closer together, and as much as that excites me, its getting to me how i will be finally experiencing what life is really like being a wife. being home, living together, finally. like finally.

exciting, yes. nerve wrecking, yes.

im slowly coming to the realisation how as i grow older, more and more often i get pushed into having awkward conversations with people.

the types of conversation that determines a big difference in my life. be it, on career, on relationships, on friendships - and it sucks cos i'm not much of a person who likes to deal with confrontation.

i think i used to be all okay with the idea of confrontation. i remember the 23 year old me, all enthusiastic and passionate about saying things right, wanting to always work things out, clearing the air upon chance or forcing chance even. but somewhere along the way, i grew out of it.

i believe confrontations only lead to 2 outcomes. it either makes things better, or it makes things a lot worst.

how do you deal with awkward conversations anyway ? like , having to negotiate with your boss on your career development decisions, or speaking to someone you barely know about things thats very personal to you, and you're not good in avoiding the questions.

i guess thats why there are days where i tune off from people. i am such, a people person by nature, and i'd admit to that, i love love love interacting, and helping and all that jazz, but not when it involves heavy stuff like a life changing decision.

if there was one area of improvement i could work on - it would be that.

tuning off isn't always the answer but it has always been the most convenient for me.