yesterday was an ordinary day for me. i woke up and found Azhar and mama ( my mil ) at the dining area, having breakfast. Hamza woke up not long after that, Umar was still asleep. after having breakfast, Azhar was about to leave for work, it was then time to bath Hamza. He usually kicks up a storm then. has now developed his sense of will. persistent with a lot of things he wants things done his way, and while most times its adorable to see him forming into his own, i must admit some days, it gets a little too tiring to battle it out with him.
anyway, after showering and said our byes to Azhar, we then went for our short morning walk together, just hamza and i. i find that having these walks in the morning helps both of us to bond again. i love it. i miss days when it was just both of us, but at the same time have been loving having Umar join us now. some days Hamza craves for one on one. and being in confinement period a month ago made that difficult for us as i was still allowing my body to recover from healing.
hamza's an outdoor boy. his passion and fun are always satisfying to him when spent outdoors. running, walks, kicking a ball, all these excites him. we had days where we would stay indoors a lot, especially during the last weeks of carrying Umar in me , but i think confinement period really "confined" him. it made it a lot more trickier when he doesn't really want to be out with anyone else except me.
anyway - im glad that phase is over. now we can have all the outdoor time we want!
so yesterday, back from our morning walk, i showered and then Hamza wanted to have some painting time, so we did. i received a call from an unknown number. usually i dont pick calls like that up, but Hamza was getting annoyed with the ringtone and kept telling me my phone was going off. so i picked it up.
long story short - the call was from a company who was interested in my resume that i posted on seek.com, i was in shock because im pretty sure that resume is outdated. they were checking to see if i would be interested in a position that they had in their company. my heart jumped.
honestly - i was abit excited. but i then proceeded to tell her that ive been off the job i stated in my resume for the past 2 years and am no longer in Adelaide. the job opportunity was in Adelaide - hence of course it made me off the list.
she asked me a few questions on previous job, and i replied her as much as i could remember. we both laughed at one point because she knew i was struggling to explain to her some terms, but it all ended well.
i apologized to her after that for the outdated resume and promised to get back on seek sometime to update it. we both wished each other well.
well, maybe there is a small part in me missing the 9-5pm job "idea". i think more of it stemming from the thought of having a salary i could be comfortable with - i probably could do more than i could right now.maybe with the extra money i could shop more or have the comfort of buying things knowing its my own, give monthly allowances to mom and dad. ive always seen mom giving to her parents from her salary, i was in that position too for a short bit when i was working, but of course not anymore since ive decided to be a stay at home mom.
i mean dont get me wrong, we are alhamdulillah in a good place financially. not super wealthy bahaha, but we're comfortable with the set up that we are now.
i asked myself a lot of times whether it was worth it, back then. being off the job and staying home to care for my family. Would i ever one day look back and regret the times i could have done and achieved by being at work and having an income?
i thought about it hard and long - and figured, if i died - which would i regret more, not working as much and earning as much, or , not spending time as much with the family i have? my heart was always brought back to my family. my boys.
being abroad as well, with no family support present, where its just us, our little unit together - makes it a lot easier to come to the decision. at such a young precious age, these boys miss out big time on having grandparents to spend time with and to look up to. they miss out on having uncles and aunties that would care for them like their own - spoil them only like a family could, and i feel that it is up to me to fill that as much as i can possibly do.
we've been through the daycare route. i think until today, i'm still glad we chose to take him out of it. hamza was struggling so bad, he hated it. but im positive he'll be ready for the world one day. for now, i'm his world. and we all know how kids grow out of us parents at some point in their lives, while they still need me and love me (bahaha), ill squeeze in much of it while i possibly can.
i think a common misconception that people think on why some stay at home mums(sahms) get to be sahms, is because they can afford it - in the sense that, people assume that the other partner must be earning a LOT to have the other off the market and not bringing back any contribution to the household. i beg to differ on that. i think the decision to stay at home was more set to how it is for us, mainly because we knew, firstly, that we wanted the boys to be nurtured by our own hands. we didnt think much about how much we would lose out with one income, Azhar was always saying, its okay, it would be enough. we wouldn't be living as lavish anymore, but we'd make it.
infact, i had to say goodbye to the lifestyle i was living when i had my own salary to spend on haha, but i don't regret it at all, it wasn't really that healthy anyway. i spent more on wants rather than needs. living like this makes me more cautious with spending now. we had to say goodbye to big houses, watch our utility bills a lot more, limit the amount of times we eat out etc etc.
basically, we adjusted our lifestyle to our affordability - and not the other way round. and alhamdulillah - it works well for us. im not saying we have much and a lot, but i can comfortably say we have enough, alhamdulillah.
i looked at it more as a long term investment. a delayed gratification mode as dad would say it. my investment is made by spending my time with my boys - the reward, is something i dont expect to get here in this world, id like to think of it as my investment in the hereafter. i don't expect my boys to grow up and care for me, while it would be a bonus if they ever find in their heart to care for me (haha), but i wont set that expectation on anyone but myself ( on self care ). i trust Allah will help me there. and that if i were tested otherwise, He will make me strong enough to face it.
i remember my 20 year old self would always remind herself - to never make money as my main drive in life. ive seen so much arguments, hatred, and bickering happening over money that i made a promise to myself to never, ever be driven by money in any case, at any time. Again, im not saying money is all evil. Money is needed to put food on our tables, to get us going through life, but i would like to live an "enough" life, and not an " i want more " life.
I would always pray to Allah to always sway me away from the power given by money. Let that not be my main drive to live in this temporal world and this short life ive been given with my family.
and i think He did just that for me.
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