staying true;

alas, 2019. hello visual friends.

umar turned one just a few days ago - or it could have easily been a week ago. i dont know. i cant find the mental space or energy to do the calculation now. i am just beyond excited to actually have the time to sit and type while BOTH my boys are napping.

they used to nap at the same time a lot, and i used to always use that time for showering, and cleaning or cooking, but today - i decided to ditch the showering part. i managed to sort the laundry, ate a peaceful lunch, and i have lamb slow cooking on the stove as im typing this. look - you win some you lose some. i mean, why bother showering when you end up getting dirty and stinky again overnight ?

im joking.

i promise ill shower at some point during the day. now why are we still talking about me deciding to shower or not at this point of my typing. im completely wasting this golden time i have. so lets cut to the chase.

updates.

umar is one heck of a baby monster. i love him, but hes my wild child. i cant remember anymore what i wrote of him past postings but if i wrote about him being an angel - guys, it was a scam. it was like a fake intro to year 3 of my motherhood life, promised sweet nothings, i am actually dying at this point. okay ? i wish i could tell all of yall to not have kids. they're monsters. they literally eat you inside out.

im joking again.

not about the struggling part - i wasnt joking there. or even about the part that im dying. not joking about that too. kids are monsters yes they are. what part was i actually joking about again?

haha.

okay fine.. my boys take a lot of my time. a lot! they are SO full on! there are a lot of days i get butterflies in my tummy just watching them grow, seeing them take their first steps, or say their first words, nothing beats that moment. nothing.

and then there are days when things get really tough for them. like a tooth cutting out, or..i dont know. something just bothers them. then its hell for me.

so i really was gonna type something but umar is suddenly crying, hes up from his nap and i should really get him before he rolls out of my bed.

so bye.

love you guys. thank you for reading.